I often think when I hear couples talking about their family plans—how many kids they want, how far apart they want to space them—they need to remember it’s not our choice. We have to simply wait on God.

Cynthia and Devin are both medical professionals. Still, their understanding of the human body couldn’t fully shield them from the pain of experiencing three miscarriages. Only a firm belief in God’s goodness and loving control could provide the comfort they sought:

With each one, when it was happening I thought, “I’ll always remember this date.” But while I don’t remember the exact dates, I do remember the emotions.

The first miscarriage happened in 1993, when Devin and I had been married two years and were ready to start a family. I got pregnant quickly. We were so excited we told everyone we were expecting. We didn’t know any better.

I lost the first baby after about seven weeks. I was more upset than Devin because it was so early the pregnancy didn’t seem as real to him. But he was very understanding and took me on a getaway trip. I was kind of embarrassed. When you’ve told people you’re pregnant, it’s hard to have to say later that you’re not anymore. I learned to wait much longer with my later pregnancies before making any announcements!

Soon after the miscarriage I got pregnant again, and we had a son. Then, in 1997, I miscarried for a second time. My husband and I “flip-flopped” in our response. Devin took it much harder than I did because now he knew what he was missing, and he’d really been looking forward to having another child. But again, I got pregnant soon after the miscarriage, and God blessed us with another son.

We weren’t even trying to have a third child when I got pregnant in 1999. Since it was a surprise, I immediately thought, “This must be God’s plan. He must want us to have three children.” But it wasn’t to be. I went about 12 weeks before miscarrying and it was more difficult than the other two, both physically and emotionally. It was disturbing to me because we hadn’t even planned to get pregnant, and then God allowed another miscarriage.

But as with my other losses, I tried to fall back on my experience as a nurse and remember that miscarriage is a natural biological response. It’s easy to think, “Did I do something to cause this?” But usually there’s nothing anyone can do. Most importantly, I had to remember that all things happen according to God’s will. I often think when I hear couples talking about their family plans—how many kids they want, how far apart they want to space them—they need to remember it’s not our choice. We have to simply wait on God.

I love Jeremiah 1:5, which says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you.” It comforts me to know God has always known the children I lost. Even though the world didn’t consider them “viable,” God gave them souls from the very beginning. I look forward to the day when I get to heaven, because then I’ll have five children, not two.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled” ( John 14:27).

Copyright © 2002 Emily Smith. All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured. Used by Permission.